quinta-feira, 27 de maio de 2010

Pais sem rumo, crianças sofridas

"[...] É evidente que existem famílias tranqüilas, pais e mães equilibrados e protetores. Mas a família moderna, fechada sobre si mesma, toda voltada para a produção de bem estar, fundada nas formas mais egoístas de amor, é um canteiro propício, no mínimo, à violência psicológica. Os filhos frustram as expectativas dos pais, o amor vira moeda de barganha e chantagem mútua, a esperança de entendimento de parte a parte é freqüentemente obstruída pela culpa que cada um sente por não amar o outro tanto quanto devia.
Apesar disso, não existe nenhuma outra instituição que a substitua. Desejamos formar família, viver em família, criar condições de convívio protetoras, agradáveis. Mas lembrar que se a família, em seus moldes tradicionais, fosse um mar de rosas, Freud não teria criado a psicanálise.
Se a criança é desamparada frente aos que cuidam dela, os adultos de hoje também se sentem desamparados no exercício de suas funções. A vida contemporânea está tão privatizada, tão indiferente a valores ligados ao bem comum, a sociedade tornou-se tão narcisista e infantilizada, que o bem estar das crianças tornou-se praticamente o único ideal dos adultos. Ser “bom pai” tornou-se a razão de viver de adultos que perderam as referências para saber tanto o que é ser “bom” quanto o que é ser “pai” (ou “mãe”). Se os filhos se tornam o único ideal de seus pais, estes não têm mais nada a lhes transmitir a não ser “seja feliz” – isto, numa sociedade em que felicidade se mede pela capacidade de consumo e diversão.
O desamparo do adulto diante das exigências dos filhos, a quem eles próprios prometeram dar “tudo de bom e de melhor”, tem resultados patéticos ou, no pior dos casos, trágicos. Algumas crianças, híper estimuladas e excitadas, ficam cada vez mais insatisfeitas e agressivas enquanto os pais, incapazes de estabelecer limites para a farra que eles mesmos prometeram, vivem exasperados, culpados, impotentes – e às vezes, tão fora de controle quanto os pequenos. Um adulto que se vê incapaz de educar uma criança é capaz de confundir autoridade com violência, poder simbólico com coerção física.
Vez por outra, um desses pais incapazes de colocar limites em seus filhos também corre o risco de perder seus próprios limites. "

Maria Rita Kehl

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